Bringing a new baby home is one of the most joyous experiences a couple can share, but it can also be one of the most challenging. Amidst the midnight feedings, diaper changes, and constant attention a newborn requires, it’s easy to feel like your relationship is being put on the back burner. You may even find yourselves wondering, “Where did that lovin’ feelin’ go?”
But just because you’re knee-deep in baby gear and sleep-deprived doesn’t mean your relationship has to lose its spark. Here’s how to keep the romance and intimacy alive when your lives have been turned upside down by your little bundle of joy.
Prioritize Date Night—Even at Home
One of the first casualties of new parenthood is often date night. Between finding a sitter and mustering the energy to go out, it can feel like more trouble than it’s worth. But date night is essential. It’s a time to reconnect, remind each other that you’re more than just co-parents, and rekindle that romantic flame.
If getting out of the house is too daunting, bring date night to your living room. Once the baby is asleep, set the stage for an evening together. Light some candles, order your favorite takeout, and put on a movie you both love. Or try something new—like cooking a meal together, playing a board game, or working on a puzzle. The key is to make it a time to focus on each other.
Carve Out 15 Minutes a Day
Fifteen minutes doesn’t sound like much, but when your day is packed with baby duties, work, and everything in between, it can be a game-changer. Set aside just 15 minutes every day to connect with your partner—no distractions, no baby talk, just the two of you.
Use this time to check in with each other about your day, share your feelings, or simply cuddle on the couch. This small, consistent effort can help you maintain a sense of closeness and intimacy, even when time is scarce.
Speak Each Other’s Love Language
Understanding and speaking each other’s love language can make a significant difference in how connected you feel. Dr. Gary Chapman’s concept of love languages—Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch—can help you express love in a way that resonates most with your partner.
If your partner’s love language is Acts of Service, doing the dishes or taking on the midnight feeding might mean more to them than a verbal “I love you.” If it’s Physical Touch, a simple back rub or holding hands can work wonders. Learning to speak each other’s love language ensures that both of you feel loved and appreciated, even during the busiest times.
Steal Moments of Physical Intimacy
Physical intimacy doesn’t have to be relegated to the bedroom. With a newborn, you may need to get creative about when and where you find time for each other. A lingering kiss in the kitchen, a gentle touch as you pass each other in the hallway, or a quick cuddle before bed can all help maintain physical connection.
Even if you’re too exhausted for full-on romance, small gestures can keep the spark alive. Remember, intimacy is about more than just sex—it’s about the little moments of connection that make you feel close to your partner.
Plan for Intimacy
It might sound unromantic, but scheduling time for intimacy can be a lifesaver for new parents. With your schedule now revolving around your baby’s needs, spontaneity can be hard to come by. By planning for intimacy, you’re ensuring that it doesn’t get lost in the shuffle.
Mark a night on the calendar when you’ll focus on each other—whether it’s for a romantic evening or a more physical connection. Knowing that you have dedicated time for each other can create anticipation and keep the romance alive, even during the busiest weeks.
Support Each Other’s Needs
It’s easy to get caught up in your own exhaustion and stress, but it’s important to remember that your partner is going through similar challenges. Supporting each other’s needs — whether that’s giving them a break, listening to their frustrations, or just being there — can strengthen your bond.
Empathy is key. Understand that both of you are doing your best and that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it. When you support each other emotionally and physically, it creates a foundation of trust and intimacy that can withstand the pressures of new parenthood.
Keep Communication Open
Communication is the cornerstone of any strong relationship, but it’s especially important when you’re navigating the challenges of new parenthood. Make it a priority to talk openly about how you’re feeling — whether you’re overwhelmed, stressed, or just need a little more help.
Check in with each other regularly, and don’t be afraid to express your needs. By keeping the lines of communication open, you can prevent misunderstandings and ensure that you’re both on the same page.
Don’t Forget Romance
In the midst of diaper changes and sleep deprivation, it’s easy to let romance fall by the wayside. But a little romance can go a long way in keeping your relationship strong.
Surprise your partner with a handwritten note, plan a special evening, or do something thoughtful just because. These small gestures show that you’re thinking of them and that your relationship is still a priority, even amidst the chaos of parenthood.
Lean on Your Village
Raising a baby is a big job, and you don’t have to do it alone. Whether it’s family, friends, or a trusted babysitter, don’t hesitate to lean on your village for support. Allowing someone else to take over for a few hours can give you and your partner the time you need to reconnect.
Use this time to do something that recharges both of you — whether that’s going for a walk, having a quiet dinner, or just enjoying some much-needed alone time. Taking care of your relationship is just as important as taking care of your baby.
Remember the Person You Fell in Love With
It’s easy to lose sight of who your partner is outside of being a parent, but remembering the person you fell in love with can help you stay connected. Reflect on the qualities that drew you to them in the first place and take time to appreciate those things.
Reminisce about your favorite memories, laugh about the things you used to do together, and remember that underneath the new roles you’re taking on, you’re still the same people who fell in love.
Take Care of Yourself
Self-care isn’t just a buzzword; it’s essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. When you take care of your own needs — whether that’s getting enough sleep, eating well, or finding time for hobbies — you’re in a better position to be there for your partner.
Don’t feel guilty about taking time for yourself. When you’re happy and well-rested, you’ll have more energy and patience to invest in your relationship.
Be Patient with Each Other
Adjusting to life with a new baby is a learning curve for both of you. There will be times when you’re both tired, stressed, and short-tempered. Be patient with each other and recognize that you’re both doing your best.
Give each other grace when things don’t go perfectly, and remember that this phase won’t last forever. With time, you’ll find your rhythm as a couple and as parents.
Celebrate the Small Wins
Finally, don’t forget to celebrate the small wins. Whether it’s getting the baby to sleep through the night, finding time for a quick date, or simply making it through the day with a smile, acknowledge and celebrate these moments together.
These small victories can boost your morale and remind you that you’re in this together. Celebrate your partnership and the life you’re building, even when it feels like the baby has taken over everything.
Conclusion
Keeping romance and intimacy alive after bringing home a new baby is no small feat, but it’s possible with a little effort and creativity. By prioritizing your relationship, supporting each other, and finding time to connect, you can maintain that lovin’ feelin’ even during the most challenging days of parenthood. Remember, your relationship is the foundation of your family, and nurturing it is one of the best things you can do for yourselves and your baby.
